Writing Your Handfasting Vows: Ideas, Structure and Examples
Hi, it’s Debbie here. Let’s take the pressure out of writing your handfasting vows.
Handfasting vows are simply the promises you make during your ceremony. They can be heartfelt, funny, simple, emotional or a mixture of all of those things. They don’t need to sound like something copied from a wedding website, and you certainly don’t need to be a poet. They need to sound like you.
If the thought of a blank page is already making you feel slightly panicked, don’t worry. Writing down something as personal as how you feel about someone can be emotional. So let’s make it easier, with ideas, a simple structure and some example vows to get you started.
Do handfasting vows have to be traditional?
Not at all. Your vows can be traditional if that’s what you love, but they can also be completely your own.
Perhaps you’re the couple who makes each other laugh constantly, and your vows include a promise never to take life too seriously. Perhaps you’ve been together for twenty years and have already weathered a few storms, and your vows acknowledge that you’re still standing together. Or perhaps you’re beginning a completely new chapter. There is room for all of it.
Your vows should sound like you, not like a wedding card.
How do you start writing handfasting vows?
Please don’t start by trying to write the perfect vows. And don’t worry if writing isn’t your thing. You might worry about spelling, find reading difficult, hate staring at a blank page or simply find it easier to talk than to write. Your vows are about what you want to say, not how well you can write it down.
You could make notes on your phone, record yourself talking, ask someone you trust to write down your words, or simply tell me what you want to say and we can shape it together. If reading is difficult for you, your vows don’t have to be a long piece of paper. They can be short, printed in large text, written as simple prompts or spoken from memory.
So rather than starting with a blank page, start with your memories. Grab a notebook, open your phone or simply start talking, and ask yourself:
What do I love about this person?
When did I first realise they were important to me?
What makes us laugh?
What have we been through together?
What do I admire about them?
What have they taught me?
What do I want our life together to feel like?
What do I want to promise them?
What do I hope we never lose?
What am I looking forward to experiencing together?
Don’t worry about beautiful sentences yet. Just write, talk, scribble or record. You can shape the words later. Sometimes the most meaningful things are hiding in the ordinary details.
What promises can you make in your vows?
The word “vows” can sound rather grand, can’t it? But really, they’re promises. You might promise:
to listen
to be honest
to make time for each other
to keep laughing
to support each other’s dreams
to be there through difficult times
to celebrate the good times
to keep growing together
to give each other space to be yourselves
to choose love when life gets complicated
Think about what matters in your relationship. What do you want to say out loud that perhaps you don’t say often enough? That’s a wonderful place to begin. There’s no prize for the longest or most beautifully worded vows. Sometimes the most powerful words are the simplest ones. You might start with:
“I love you because…”
“I promise you…”
“I hope that…”
“When I look at our life together, I…”
Then see where the words take you. Your first attempt doesn’t have to be the final version. In fact, it probably shouldn’t be. The best vows often begin as a messy collection of memories, feelings and half-finished sentences. I’ve seen them all, and that’s absolutely fine.
A simple structure for writing your vows
If you’re not sure how to turn all those thoughts into vows, try this five-part structure:
Start with your story. How did you meet? What drew you together? Was there a moment when you knew this person was important?
Say what you love. Their kindness? Their ridiculous sense of humour? The way they make you feel safe?
Acknowledge your journey. Briefly recognise what you’ve already shared and experienced together.
Make your promises. This is the heart of your vows. What are you choosing to promise for the life ahead?
Look towards the future. What are you excited about? What do you hope you’ll create together?
Then finish in whatever way feels natural. It could be as simple as:
“I choose you, today and every day.”
Can handfasting vows be funny?
Absolutely. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve witnessed laughter and tears in the same ceremony. If humour is part of your relationship, let it be part of your vows. You might promise to make the tea, pretend not to notice who finished the biscuits or tolerate their questionable taste in music. Or perhaps you’ll promise to love them even when they leave their socks in exactly the same place every single day.
A little humour makes your vows feel natural and brings everyone into the moment. And it’s often those tiny personal details that people remember.
Can you include the difficult times you’ve been through?
Yes, if that feels right for you. A relationship isn’t just about the lovely bits. Perhaps you’ve supported one another through family difficulties, changes at work, moving home or simply those times when life has been hard. You don’t need to tell the whole story, but acknowledging what you’ve travelled through together can make your vows incredibly meaningful. You might simply say:
“We’ve already walked through difficult times together, and I promise to keep walking beside you.”
Sometimes one simple sentence says more than a page of words
Can you write vows for a solo handfasting?
Yes. Handfasting isn’t only for couples. A solo handfasting can be a beautiful way of marking a new chapter, honouring how far you’ve come or choosing the person you are becoming.
Your vows might be promises to trust yourself, to listen to your intuition, to let go of the past or simply to stand by yourself through whatever comes next. You can read more about solo ceremonies in What Is a Handfasting? The Ancient Ceremony Explained.
How long should handfasting vows be?
There’s no perfect length. Think about how long you actually want to speak for. A few heartfelt sentences can be far more powerful than ten minutes of beautiful words that leave everyone wondering when you’re going to get to the end! As a rough guide, around one to two minutes each works well for most people.
If you’re nervous about speaking in front of everyone, shorter vows may feel much more comfortable. Say what matters, then stop. Your vows are one part of your ceremony, not the whole ceremony.
Should you write your vows together or separately?
Some couples write their vows separately, and there’s something really beautiful about hearing your beloved’s words for the first time during the ceremony. Others prefer to talk about what they want to promise and make sure their vows feel balanced.
You could agree on a few themes, such as love, honesty, adventure, family or friendship, and then write your own words around them. And if you’re worried one of you will write three pages while the other writes three lines, simply agree on a rough length beforehand!
Can your handfasting cords and vows work together?
Absolutely. If you’re using several cords, each one could represent a different promise, spoken as each cord is tied. To explore the different ways you can choose and use cords, read my guide to Handfasting Cords and Their Meaning.
Handfasting vow examples
Here are a few examples to get your thoughts moving.
A simple handfasting vow
I choose you as my partner, my friend and the person I want beside me as we walk through life. I promise to love you, listen to you, support you and keep making space for laughter. Whatever comes our way, I promise we will face it together.
A more relaxed vow
I promise to keep laughing with you, to listen when you need me and to remind you of who you are when you forget. I promise to celebrate your dreams, support your adventures and love you through all the ordinary, messy and wonderful days of our life together.
A short vow
I choose you. I love you. I promise to walk beside you, to grow with you and to keep choosing our life together.
A vow for a solo handfasting
I honour the woman I have been and everything she has carried. Today I choose to trust myself, to listen to my own wisdom and to stand by myself, whatever comes next.
Use these as inspiration rather than something to copy. Your own words will always mean more.
Ready to create a ceremony that feels like you?
Your vows are just one part of your handfasting ceremony, but they can be the most personal. Don’t worry about finding the perfect words or trying to sound like someone else. I’ll leave you with this:
Say what matters, and say it in your own way. That’s where the magic is.
I create personalised handfasting and celebrant-led ceremonies across Warwickshire, Coventry, Solihull, the wider West Midlands and beyond. I’ll help you create a ceremony that feels like you, not somebody else’s idea of what a ceremony should be. Take a look at my Handfasting Ceremonies page or Get in touch with Debbie and tell me your story.
Debbie x–Midlife Mystic Mentor | Inner Witch
You might also like
What Is a Handfasting? The Ancient Ceremony Explained: a simple introduction to handfasting and what happens during the ceremony.
Handfasting Cords and Their Meaning: the symbolism behind the cords and how to make them personal.
Handfasting Ceremonies page: find out more about my personalised handfasting ceremonies.
